Ask Mary

Ask Mary


Dear Mary,
Everywhere I look these days I see hot young guys dating older guys. I am told this is because the boys are just after the older man’s money. What about older guys looking for a sugar daddy? How does a hot older guy, like myself, find a younger rich guy to take care of him? I am well worth the money; I have been told I look like a cross between Johnny Depp and Dennis Quaid.

Signed,
Almost retired and tired of working 9-to-5

Dear Tired and Played Out!
I really can’t tell you how much I relate to this. In fact, I wonder if I got drunk and submitted this question to myself. It’s not outside the realm of possibility.

I was going to say something about how you should be proud that you can take care of yourself, you have a job, no need for anyone to hand you anything and how work isn’t the end of the world, but then I realized I was full of crap.

Here’s the rub: you can’t have both in one guy, but you can have both. Find a rich dude that needs you to puree his meat who appreciates your Dennis Quaid side and a young guy with a perfect Adonis belt who gravitates towards your Depp-ness. Probably don’t tell Guy A about Guy B, but telling Guy B about Guy A should be fine. (Hint: Guy A will know about Guy B whether or not you tell him; old dudes are smarter than they look). (Hint the second: Guy A was the old dude.) Or, you know…cut out the middle man and let your young hottie shake the money tree.

This is starting to sound like a disgusting scam. How dare you ask such a question thereby leading me to give you this (only reasonable) answer?! Excuse me while I attempt to scrub off the shame.

Disgustingly (not really) Yours,
Mary Makers-McMark

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  • Dinots

    this article was hilarious!!!

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