“Straight” Underwear Line Maximus Cruz Hits Midtown

“Straight” Underwear Line Maximus Cruz Hits Midtown

Oh this is way too good to pass up discussing. Guess what? Another underwear line has hit Atlanta, and with full force. In case you didn’t notice, a beautiful new billboard announcement landed on 14th street in Midtown yesterday proclaiming mysteriously a new undergarment line has arrived. But us gays don’t need to fret. We can keep our Calvin Klien, 2 (x)ist and Tolomeo. This new “designer” line is just for STRAIGHT boys.

That’s right – designer underwear exclusively for straight guys.

We decided those behind this new launch felt, apparently, the right to marriage and sexual non-descrimination wasn’t enough. No no, what do straights really want? Their own underwear line, 95% cotton, 5% spandex, sizes Small – X-large.

So a little about their intentions and mission: “Maximus Cruz is the world’s leading premium lifestyle brand that delivers superior quality and styling for the STRAIGHT® hyper-masculine, alpha male.” Hmm.. Alpha hyper-masculine? Sounds pretty homo to us. There’s More: “STRAIGHT® by Maximus Cruz is a brand within a brand, and was created to fill a void in the market for premium, high quality products for straight men.” So many things… so many things we could say about this statement.

In all honesty, it is nice to know there are some straights out there who prefer something other than their 6-pack of Hanes purchased at their local Wal-mart. But here’s a good question – why launch their line through the billboard announcement in midtown of all places? Seriously, they chose the gayest neighborhood in a 500 mile radius. Is this a testament of the demographic shift of midtown? Probably not. We like to think our beloved midtown is not home to the overly aggressive masculino-straight-jock-dude.

But in all fairness, because us gays know how to be fair, we will let the overly-paranoid self proclaimers enjoy their new designer underwear that is the “original, official premium brand of the straight guy.” This is all we ask: let’s make our already beloved brands exclusively gay, oh yeah, and we want marriage equality and sexual non-discrimination.

Thanks.

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  • Catnhat44

    That is truly one of the most ridiculous marketing campaigns I’ve heard of. Is there going to be a questionnaire attached to the packaging? Will you have to prove that you’re straight to purchase them? Utterly ridiculous, and sad.

  • http://twitter.com/TeaPartyPledge TeaPartyPledge

    They registered STRAIGHT? Wonder how no-homos feel about their sexual orientation has royalties associated with it! LOL @MaximusCruzTM

  • Beachbreezes007

    Maybe there’s no picture because there are no hot models that qualify.

  • Jerrspero

    I think we should all buy them and wear them, and just use a laundry marker to put quotation marks around the word “Straight”– maybe a question mark, too!

    “Straight”?

  • http://www.facebook.com/chris.k.camarillo Chris Keliiwaihoikeone Camaril

    are they as str8 as frat boys, abercronbie or the catholic church… if u’r really str8 u don’t need to prove it cause it won’t matter… so i guess they’re ads for dl or g4p – that’s down low and gay for pay for anyone in atl that has not had their mother girlfriend or boyfriend aunt gosip or news mention e. lynn haris.

  • Clairol1224

    Maximus Cruz? Really? Sorry boys, but I can’t think of a gayer name!

  • Guest

    It’s a little too ironic that the owner and his wife were convicted of fraud. http://www.reddit.com/r/Christianity/comments/n6l91/straight_guy_underwear_maximuscruz_owner_eric/

  • guest

    LIAR…..NEVER CONVICTED,,DO YOUR HOME WORK!!! I GUESS YOU JUST DONT LIKE STRAIGHT PEOPLE

  • WER22

    MAXIMUS…..THE TOUGHEST GLADIATOR OF ALL TIMES! CRUZ….THE COOLEST NAME EVER, TELL THE MEXICANS YOU DONT LIKE THAT NAME OR VICTOR CRUZ OR DOMINIC CRUZ… MAXIMUS CRUZ, GREAT BRAND NAME!!!! OH I FORGOT YOUR GAY, THE MIND THAT ALTERS…ALTERS ALL.

  • Asif IZhar

    hi this is brother of Javed IZhar , name is Asif IZhar.

  • chris

    just landed on this story & went to their website…their products are the lowest common denominator!!! generic…

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