Oh this is way too good to pass up discussing. Guess what? Another underwear line has hit Atlanta, and with full force. In case you didn’t notice, a beautiful new billboard announcement landed on 14th street in Midtown yesterday proclaiming mysteriously a new undergarment line has arrived. But us gays don’t need to fret. We can keep our Calvin Klien, 2 (x)ist and Tolomeo. This new “designer” line is just for STRAIGHT boys.
That’s right – designer underwear exclusively for straight guys.
We decided those behind this new launch felt, apparently, the right to marriage and sexual non-descrimination wasn’t enough. No no, what do straights really want? Their own underwear line, 95% cotton, 5% spandex, sizes Small – X-large.
So a little about their intentions and mission: “Maximus Cruz is the world’s leading premium lifestyle brand that delivers superior quality and styling for the STRAIGHT® hyper-masculine, alpha male.” Hmm.. Alpha hyper-masculine? Sounds pretty homo to us. There’s More: “STRAIGHT® by Maximus Cruz is a brand within a brand, and was created to fill a void in the market for premium, high quality products for straight men.” So many things… so many things we could say about this statement.
In all honesty, it is nice to know there are some straights out there who prefer something other than their 6-pack of Hanes purchased at their local Wal-mart. But here’s a good question – why launch their line through the billboard announcement in midtown of all places? Seriously, they chose the gayest neighborhood in a 500 mile radius. Is this a testament of the demographic shift of midtown? Probably not. We like to think our beloved midtown is not home to the overly aggressive masculino-straight-jock-dude.
But in all fairness, because us gays know how to be fair, we will let the overly-paranoid self proclaimers enjoy their new designer underwear that is the “original, official premium brand of the straight guy.” This is all we ask: let’s make our already beloved brands exclusively gay, oh yeah, and we want marriage equality and sexual non-discrimination.