Return to 3 Flags Over Here (Pt 3).
Surprisingly, Selma hadn’t had enough fun yet so we headed over to the Spindle Top ( the ride that spins you around while the floor drops down. I could only think that a tragedy was about to occur but Selma said it would be fine. As we got into the cylindrical space and lined up against the wall, we both pulled our tube tops tight and mini skirts tighter. Selma was on my right and an older gentleman and his wife were on my left followed by what looked like a gaggle of their grandchildren. Selma and I looked at each other hoping everything would turn out ok.
With a sudden jolt, the ride started slowly spinning to the left and increased speed. It was then I realized this was not going to end well. Now just in case you aren’t familiar with concept of centrifugal force, its basically when things speed up to the point everything is pinned again the outer wall of whatever is spinning. (I should write a drag queen technical manual). So while my legs and hands are pinned against the wall and can’t be moved, all of a sudden, in tandem, my boobs, Selmas teeth and the old man’s teeth next to me start to wiggle out of their confines and into broad daylight. As if someone had choreographed a dance, the teeth, my boobs and the other teeth start to do the conga in a line whilst we were all spinning helplessly and horrified at the display.
Then, with another jolt, the floor falls from under us and the barrell tilts on its side. Selma and I both looked at each other in horror as we realized the centrifugal force was pulling our mini skirts down exposing our hairy mounds to the crowd. I was
mostly horrified. This continued on for what felt like hours but must have been just a minute. The ride soon ended and so began Selma’s search for her teeth. Whilst I was attempting to cover up, I realized the old man next to me was gumming my nipple to which his wife said “Henry! How could you?” to which he replied “They were hanging so low, I thought they were yours!” Selma quickly grabbed my hand and rushed me off to tell me she had found a newer, nicer pair of dentures. I was so happy for her.
While our time at 3 Flags Over Here had come to an end, we could only look back fondly at our time. Be sure to check out Three Flags Over Here in downtown Jonesboro and tell them Mary Edith and Selma sent you!
Love and lashes,
Mary Edith Pitts
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