It’s a crisp spring day at Tavern at Phipps and Melissa Carter is getting a free lunch. The waiter has just informed us the meal is on them, because he says they like to “take care of their famous faces.”
“I’ll miss that,” Carter tells us laughing. At the time of our conversation, Carter was on the eve of her mid-April departure from Q100′s The Bert Show after 10 years as co-host and as Atlanta’s most high profile gay public figure. Her career in radio began in 1995 as a member of 99X’s The Morning X before she moved on to help make The Bert Show one of the most successful radio shows in the country.
The Fenuxe 50 member sat down with us to talk about being out on the radio, the void she’s leaving for gay representation, how the gay community has gotten lazy and what her plans are for the future.
Fenuxe: Was there a discussion with your co-workers or management before you came out on The Morning X?
Melissa Carter: I did have a discussion but it’s not what you think. MTV at the time had a show called Singled Out and they had a gay man on there to find a date, and it was the first time they had done a gay-themed episode of the show. On The Morning X we were doing a version of Singled Out with our listeners and I made a joke to Barnes asking, “Well, are we going to do a gay version because they have?” And Barnes said, “Well, are you volunteering?” And I said, “Well, if that gets a gay person to do this, I’ll do it.” And they said, “Great.” And that was the end of the discussion.
Fenuxe: So it wasn’t planned at all?
Carter: No, it was very spontaneous and it was not awkward at all. And I can honestly say this – in fifteen years of being on the radio since that day, I’ve never received a piece of hate mail. I have received far more complaints for having strong opinions as a woman than I ever have about being gay. That certainly doesn’t mean that no listeners have a problem with my sexuality. When they’ve approached me with it, they just want to throw that in as a dagger on top of it.
So my sexuality has never been the point of contention. And I think the reason for that is also because Bert has created such an environment that we are able to be three dimensional to our listeners and not just these characters. Not just, “Well she’s the gay girl.” It’s, “kidney transplant, she’s gay, she thinks babies are ugly…”. That helps in that it’s taught me a lesson and hopefully it’s taught some of our listeners a lesson that they can absolutely not agree with me on my sexuality but we can find common ground on something else.
Fenuxe: So was there ever a discussion about your sexuality with anyone from The Bert Show before they hired you on as a co-host in 2001?
Carter: There was, because Bert was not from here and so he had not listened to The Morning X and he didn’t know me as well. We were riding in his jeep along 400 when he was interviewing me and he said, “Well, is there anything that you want to ask me?” And I flat-out told him, “Well, I’m gay and I’m not one to not talk about it on the radio and I’m not going to hide it.” And Bert’s response was, “Well, I don’t want you to be anything other than who you are.” And that was the end of the conversation, so I accepted the job based on that.
Fenuxe: So how much do you think your sexuality has affected your career?
Carter: If I had really thought about it and I had gone in to somebody and I said, “I want to be a top morning show DJ in the middle of Georgia but I’m going to talk about my sexuality,” there’s not one person that would have said I was smart. I just did it. And fortunately I’ve had success from that. If anything, my sexuality has probably helped in the success that I’ve had.
What concerns me is the lack of representation after I’m gone. Because there have been gay men and women in media in this town and there still are, but they’re not willing to put themselves out there. Somebody’s gotta step up and pick up the slack because I have been proud to be doing what I’m doing for so long, but I never thought I’d be the only one this whole time. There have been other gay men and women on the radio, but they’ve been side characters and caricatures. If you are willing to be a caricature there’s a place for that, but you also have to put other personalities in the field that are out and gay and talking about their lives.
I just don’t think we’re at the point yet where we can get lazy as a gay community. If you feel like you’re fighting for something then you’ll get all fired up, but if you feel like there’s not a goal to obtain then you kind of get lazy and I do believe that we’ve gotten lazy as a gay community.
Fenuxe: So the void you’re leaving does concern you.
Carter: It does. The emails I’ve received since I announced I was leaving have literally brought me to tears because they’re just the sweetest things. Last night I received an email from an African-American Pentecostal preacher, and the subject line of his email was “You were my framework.” So I open it up and he said he had no other reference but me when his son came out to him. And his opinion was, because I stuck my neck out and was proud of who I was, he realized it was more important for him to stick his neck out to his congregation than to just be part of the fold and to make his son feel bad about himself. It brought me to tears.
And I didn’t do it – they did it. I’m going on my instinct and I didn’t realize how few people had the same instinct or same comfort or whatever the word is, until I received all these emails. But, I grew up with parents who believed that there is room for sacrifice in one’s life if it’s for a bigger cause.
If you had told me at 20 that I would be doing what I’ve done, and talking about myself and my girlfriend and my embryos in the freezer and talking about how hot I think Diane Lane is, I would have thrown up. There’s no way. I think that’s the thing, whether you’re straight or gay, it’s just living within yourself. Whether you’re a Tea Partyer or a conservative Republican or a liberal Democrat, we’re all trying to get acceptance from somebody.
Fenuxe: After you announced you were leaving, you said there was no one reason – you just had this instinctual feeling that it was time to move on. Have you ever had an instinctual feeling about something else in your life that was this big of a decision?
Carter: Honestly, no. Because everything else I could see it. When I got sick with kidney disease and was on dialasis for a year, there was a tangible goal there. When I left Turner, I took a paycut, but that’s still not the same thing because I was just 22 years old. Here I am already established and potentially at the height of my career, and walking away from it. Cold turkey. And people cannot believe that I have nothing else to go to. I really have no job lined up, I’m not talking or interviewing with anybody. Even Cumulus and Bert were like, “Really?” But they’ve been so respectful and so gracious to me.
Fenuxe: Do you picture it being something in the public eye?
Carter: I would like it to be. My love of news and my need for expression – I’d like for it to be something that fits into that.
Fenuxe: And health-wise everything’s good?
Carter: That’s another thing that I wanted to make clear. I’m perfectly healthy. I just had my eight-year anniversary of my transplant. So I’ve been very fortunate. Yeah, everything’s perfect.
Fenuxe: So what are you going to do now between 5:30 and 10 in the morning?
Carter: Sleep! [laughs]
