Tag Archive | "Mary Edith Pitts"

Hey Girl Hey!


Holler Poodles!
Summer is sizzling and so is my ass in this tiny whiteish thong I’m wearing. FENUXE Magazine recently sent me to check out a new amusement park (I think its a rip off but I’m not sure) called 3 Flags Over Here. Located in beautiful downtown Jonesboro, it offers an affordable alternative to Six Flags along with some interesting variations on some well known rides. This particular day they were celebrating their unofficial “Gay Day” called Hey Girl Hey Day.


Since it was hot as hell, I decided a wet ride would be a great way to start the day. Bad idea! Their version of Thunder River called Storm Sewer was horrific. Now any other day of the week if you told me I would be entering a manhole I would be thrilled. Not today , I got stuck trying to enter so my cousin Selma B. Hole had to jump on my shoulders to get me through. We both fell through and landed on an old tire and proceeded through a tunnel. As we began to emerge from the darkness, a beautiful arc of showers greeted our exit from the abyss. We began to scream as I realized it was a latrine and they were relieving themselves on us. I acted like was disgusted! We moved along to the next tunnel through countless feet inches of muck to come out the next manhole covered in gunk. I was relieved there were people showering as I came to the surface and got under the warm shower only to realize there was only an elephant and no outdoor plumbing.


Next, Selma ushered me off to their version of Monster Plantation called “A Wolf in Sheeps Clothing” which was surprisingly entertaining. Throughout the ride, there were scary wolves everywhere trying to take away the rights of citizens. But as we moved through the scene, we could see the faces of notorious politicians that were the actual wolves and the citizens took back their voice and dethroned them. Woo Hoo! Thrilling!


We then ventured to their version of the Flying Dutchman–the ride that’s like a pirate ship on steroids. Because the seats were so small, Selma sat right behind me so we had room to sprawl. Well, unfortunately for her, with each pendulous sway of the ship, my boobs fell out of my tube top and kept hitting her face. Selma had to be rushed to urgent care because she had two black eyes, several concussions and mouth full of f***ed up teeth which she had before but she’s trying to sue the insurance company so don’t say anything!


We’ll go back another day to finish this story. Until then…


Love and Lashes,

Mary Edith Pitts

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Hey Girl Hey!


Holler Poodles!

I came across this on a friend’s page yesterday and it was just what I needed in the moment. It caught me so off guard in it’s simplicity but spoke directly to my heart.

“Be brave. Even if you’re not, pretend to be. No one can tell the difference. Don’t allow the phone to interrupt important moments. It’s there for your convenience, not the callers. Don’t be afraid to go out on a limb. That’s where the fruit is. Don’t burn bridges. You’ll be surprised how many times you have to cross the same river. Don’t forget, a person’s greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated. Don’t major in minor things. Don’t say you don’t have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Pasteur, Michaelangelo, Mother Teresa, Helen Keller, Leonardo Da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein. Don’t spread yourself too thin. Learn to say no politely and quickly. Don’t use time or words carelessly. Neither can be retrieved. Don’t waste time grieving over past mistakes Learn from them and move on. Every person needs to have their moment in the sun, when they raise their arms in victory, knowing that on this day, at his hour, they were at their very best. Get your priorities straight. No one ever said on his death bed, ‘Gee, if I’d only spent more time at the office’. Give people a second chance, but not a third. Judge your success by the degree that you’re enjoying peace, health and love. Learn to listen. Opportunity sometimes knocks very softly. Leave everything a little better than you found it. Live your life as an exclamation, not an explanation. Loosen up. Relax. Except for rare life and death matters, nothing is as important as it first seems. Never cut what can be untied. Never overestimate your power to change others. Never underestimate your power to change yourself. Remember that overnight success usually takes about fifteen years. Remember that winners do what losers don’t want to do. Seek opportunity, not security. A boat in harbor is safe, but in time its bottom will rot out. Spend less time worrying who’s right, more time deciding what’s right. Stop blaming others. Take responsibility for every area of your life. Success is getting what you want. Happiness is liking what you get. The importance of winning is not what we get from it, but what we become because of it. When facing a difficult task, act as though it’s impossible to fail.”

— H. Jackson Brown Jr.

Love and Lashes,

Mary Edith Pitts

If you have any questions, comments or feedback, please contact me at [email protected] or on twitter @maryedithpitts.

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Hey Girl Hey!


Holler Poodles!

I know this will surprise many of my readers but in the interest of doing damage control, I must confess I was recently knocked up. Though I am still unclear on some of the details, it seems I had a very unconventional pregnancy. I was pregnant with two sets of twins at the same time. My doctor said because I was fat of my sheer size I would need to deliver after just 9 weeks. As worried as I was, he assured me it was normal for a bitch girl like me. He said it would be a special “vaganal” birth because he couldn’t tell my vagina apart from my bhole and while I was defended by this remark, I knew it was true.

When I arrived at the animal hospital, I was immediately taken into a special delivery room pool to give birth. The doctor said I was diluted 90 proof and ready for contractions. Who knew I was gonna have to remember English lessons at a time like this? He said it was labor contractions and I replied I am not in a union, therefore, I ain’t signing nothing! He shrugged and said the first litter baby was ready. I was in so much pain but overjoyed too. He said to keep pushing and finally Hemrhoidia was born. Two minutes later his sister Herrhoidia was born. Sounds Greek doesn’t it? Finally, out popped the last two when I was rudely woken up by the Po Po who said I was drunk and disorderly and had publicly pooped on myself in the kiddie pool at the park. Well, no more Goldschlager for me! (Although I thought I saw a glimmer of gold in Hemrhoidia’s eye).

Norcostco Atlanta Costume Tip: Ultimate Drag Makeup Class at Norcostco Atlanta Costume with Professional Makeup Artist Travis Pates. Travis has worked in the Film and TV Industry on such projects as The Hunger Games and the upcoming TV series Constantine. He will share tips and secrets on creating flawless drag makeup, including: contouring, highlighting, concealing, eyebrows, lashes and more! If you are just starting to craft your look or are an experienced performer interested in upping your game, this class is for you! Sunday, July 13, 11am – 3pm. Class fee: $100 a $50 non-refundable deposit reserves your spot. You will receive a makeup kit as part of this class! Call 404-874-7511 to register.

Love and Lashes,

Mary Edith Pitts

If you have any questions, comments or feedback, please contact me at [email protected] or on twitter @maryedithpitts.

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Hey Girl Hey!


Holler Poodles!

I want to give a great big shout out to all the folks at Roy’s Hideway for such an awesome Memorial Day Weekend. If you haven’t checked it out before, you must!! The people are so nice and the pool and clubhouse are lots of fun! They have rv sites, tent sites, bunk houses and a great kitchen open on the weekends. Tell them Mary Edith Pitts sent you and they’ll charge you an extra $5.00. LOL


Squirrel! I don’t know if I’ve ever written a movie review but I’ve just seen two movies that moved me in vastly different ways. I guess I need to start a gay rating system. How about something like this? HeY is a 1 and HeYYYYY is a 5 and the best. Holllerrrr!


“The Normal Heart” by Larry Kramer and directed by Ryan Murphy is an unflinching look at the beginning of the AIDS crisis in all of its horror, tragedy and outrage. Mark Ruffalo and Matt Bomer give heart breaking award winning performances that left me literally weeping. I encourage everyone to see this movie–especially our young gay people because it is our history. It reminds me of the quote “Those who ignore history are destined to repeat it.”


Mary Edith Pitts gives it a HeYYYYY!


Last night I saw Maleficent with Angelina Jolie and was blown away in the most surprising way. Because of the poor critical reviews I had read on Flixster, I decided I would probably wait to see it but my friend insisted. I don’t want to spoil it for you but you MUST see this movie. Think Wicked! Told from a different point of view, it is exceptional in every way! It reminds me not to judge someone based on what I’ve read or heard from others.


Angelina’s performance is subtle at times and can blow you away with just a look. The costumes are sumptuous as are the sets, lighting and makeup. Oh, did I mention makeup? Having worked in film I have to say this was exquisite. The prosthetics are imperceptible. But when all is said and done, the story is what will get you. It is told beautifully and will hopefully challenge you in a different way!


Mary Edith Pitts gives it a HeYYYYY!


Let me know what you think about these and if there are other movies that are a must see!


Love and lashes,


Mary Edith Pitts


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Hey Girl Hey!


Holler Poodles!

After attending the International Music Festival held at the Buford Highway Flea Market, I am excited to share with all of you some very exciting news. The most anticipated music collection EVER will be released June 32nd and is a 2 CD collection of your favorite Divas. “Divas Under Cover” is a concept album featuring your favorite divas covering other artists’ number ones!

It features every gay man’s dream diva Cher covering Gotye’s “Somebody That I Used to Know.” The accompanying music video features her staring into a mirror while a haunting painting of her lies tattered in the background (a la Dorian Gray). On the bonus tracks collection, Cher & Aretha Franklin record Fun’s “We Are Young.” Exceptional!

Lady Gaga sings Madonna’s “Express Yourself” while Her Madgesty answers back with Carly Rae Jepsen’s “Call Me Maybe” in their on again off again maybe feud, Also be sure to check out the battle royale when Miley, Gaga and Madge record “When I Was Your Man” by Bruno Mars to see who has the biggest balls. Let me know who you think is tops!

Rihanna had no say in this but “We Found Love In a Hopeless Place” was recorded by Chris Brown in jail and smuggled out to his producers who smashed the tracks over Rihanna to produce this unexpected gem. What’s with all that moaning and groaning Chris?

We all know Mariah Carey is richer than Oprah but damn, she just shoves it down our throats with the single “Diamonds” by Rihanna. Really Mariah? She follows it up on the bonus CD with Pitbull’s “Give Me Everything.”

Adele does an outstanding version of “Moves like Jagger” as she releases her own workout video to go along with the single. A definite feast for the eyes!

Kelly Clarkson is about to give birth any moment but that doesn’t stop this powerhouse vocalist from moving fans with LMFAO’s “Sexy and I Know It”. Go ahead Mama!

Aretha Franklin gives an over the top “DIVA” version of “Royals” and proceeds to throw shade over all her subjects. Fierce!!!

As an answer to all those Destiny Child’s rumors of a reunion, Beyonce covers “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together” by Taylor Swift

Janet Jackson records “Rude Boy” and “Love the Way You Lie.” A message to someone special?

Diana Ross comes back in a big way with “Teenage Dream” by Katy Perry which is just beyond words!

Barbra Streisand stays relevant as she records Pharrell Williams “Happy” against “Happy Days are Here Again”. Go ahead Babs and get you some!!

And finally, in a desperate plea to producers, Lindsay Lohan “Came in Like a Wrecking Ball” and then left. She returned later in the week to record “Raise Your Glass” which she did.

Love and lashes,

Mary Edith Pitts

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Hey Girl Hey!


Holler Poodles,

While my job as a triple “ZZZ” list drag queen celebrity may sound all glitzy and glamourous to some, it also requires hard work. I’ve just returned from Fashion week and an experience I’ll never forget.  While I was under the impression I was headed to Atlanta Hartsfield LaToya Jackson International Space Port for a flight to the Mercedes Benz fashion show in NYC, I was disappointed to find I was headed to the exotic city of Jonesboro for their fashion “minute.”

With Real Housewives of Atlanta Celebrity Look-A-Likes judging, the fashion show had its moments but was definitely not up to my international standards.  NeNe Leakes-A-Lot was serving attitude, Porsche looked like a Pinto and Kenya-No-Moore was Breaking-Wind Fabulous although she did fill the room with a certain air.  Kandi was humming along the whole time–it was only later I was informed she wasn’t singing. Maybe she was filled with the spirit something. Hmmmm.  

Fashions from wannabe fashion star Bob Tackie were less than impressive.  Duct tape and hot glue were prominently featured throughout while still leaving the viewer wanting more.  Speaking of more, I wasn’t sure but I think I saw some balls under that duct tape.  Work it giirls!! And color is the trend for summer!  Golden Rod, Mustard, Yellow, Chartreuse, Rust and Burnt Umber are your featured color story.  As I think about it, those colors are featured in my panties.  What a coincidence!

Norcostco Atlanta Costume Tip of the Week:  Cutie Pie Clint says “We have a new line of lashes! Ardell Professional Line Double Up Lashes have twice the amount lashes for a more dramatic look. It’s like TWO pair of lashes in one! Double layer style gives you a fuller, thicker look. Reusable and durable, so you get your money’s worth! Each lash strip is knotted and feathered by hand to achieve the highest quality. Achieve the ultimate glamour look with 6 new styles! Ardell Professional Natural Lashes are available in a 4-pack. An incredible value. We’ve also cut the prices on the rest of our lashes by up to 25% and have a larger selection of lash glue, including DUO Brush-On Adhesive, Ardell Lashtite and Lashgrip.”

Norcostco Product

Love and lashes,

Mary Edith Pitts

If you have any questions, comments or feedback, please contact me at [email protected] or on twitter @maryedithpitts

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Hey Girl Hey!


Holler Poodles…

With spring upon us, it’s time to start thinking of our homes and gardens. Many of you probably can imagine the glorious commode labode I live in.. It is a beautiful double-wide-triple-high trailer in the sky. But alas, it was in desperate need of a makeover. All those modern finishes and trendy furnishings are just not for me. I’m a traditionalist all the way. I love classic design. Something that has stood the test of time. That’s right, the 70’s. My impotently immensely wealthy sugar daddy gave me an unlimited budget (not to exceed $500) to refit my beautiful casa de Pitts. I had no choice but to contact famed 70’s designer extraordinaire Mike Brady to design a showplace of a motel model home for a triple “ZZZ” list celebrity as myself.

The process has been so frustrating. Gone are the days of going to your local building supply to pick out 70’s inspired amenities. Do you know how hard it is to find wood paneling these days? Do you know how many carpet companies stopped making sculpted avocado green carpet simply because others had “moved” on? Do you know how hard it is to source red and orange melamine countertops? I walk into HomoDepot now and all they have are shiny modern things. It makes me physically so sick I find myself spending more time in the bathroom than shopping for merchandise.

Finally, after hours of renovation, my home is complete. I painted my stainless steel appliances a beautiful harvest gold. I took out all the bright kitchen lights and scaled back to one single incandescent bulb so one could appreciate the subtle accents of crocheted rust colored kitchen towels and knickknacks. I’m especially proud of my silk floral arrangements.

I also developed a new technique for painting carpet to give it the sculptured feel of the 70s. I took all the cat hair from the sofa and mixed it with some litter and custom matched avocado green paint and voila, an exquisite crunchy new look has been achieved. For you girls on a budget, this is definitely worth your time.

Finally, what home would be complete without a victory garden? I’m especially proud of mine. The underpinning of my trailer home is very shady… perfect for growing mushrooms. To the right I have miscellaneous mattresses and box springs which i am composting to enrich the soil. I can tell it is already working because i have a new exotic vine growing from it call “kudzu.” It loves this environment and grows heartily without any effort. If you’d like a clipping, just let me know.  Make your house your home!

Love and lashes,

Mary Edith Pitts

If you have any questions, comments or feedback, please contact me at [email protected] or on twitter @maryedithpitts

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Hey Girl Hey!


Holler Poodles!

As this is the political issue for FENUXE Magazine, I feel it is time to officially announce my candidacy for Councilwoman-At-Large in the newly created District 69 of Fulton-DeKalb-Midtown. This position is designed to communicate between these typically LGBTQIRSTUVWXYZ areas so as to streamline processes and eliminate the bureaucracy blah ladened paperwork blah and over-taxed blah constituents, blah blah blah money, blah powerful blah blah budgets, blah poor, blah government blah blah blah to infinity and beyond!

If elected, above all else, I promise NO POLITICAL MUDSLINGING!!

My platform shoes will be multi-layered as one might guess. “The complex multi-talents” and special education I possess uniquely qualify me to run a completely transparent campaign! (Note: Open records requests can only be filed on February 29 at 1:01am) [Legal requirements state I must disclose I am registered with the Fulton County Animal Control Offices and am a carrier of rabies, scabies and habeas lazius. This, however, in no way diminishes my capacity to serve your personal needs.]

Speaking of personal needs, feel free to stop by my campaign offices on the corner of 5th & Cypress street to make a cash donation. I often find myself “clearing my head” wearing especially high heels and disguises so I can obtain unbiased input from community members–if you don’t immediately recognize me, rest assured you can hand a $20 bill over and I’ll get in your car to discuss any concerns you may have. I feel too many elected officials just aren’t ready to be as hands-on as I am nor are they willing to get in there and get messy to get the job done.

Breaking wind alert! It has come to my attention this lady Mary Shirley Norlin I used to work with is campaigning against me and has already started slinging mud. I was just sitting in my scooter at a bar and she just came up to me and threw mud in my face. OH HELLLLL NAWWWWWWW! It’s on now bitch! Now you ain’t heard this from me but this bitch has 2 extra sets of teets and was breast feeding two cats, two dogs and a stray possum on, er, um…….. Oh yeah, sorry, that was me! Well at any rate, I will not stoop to those levels as to call out my opponents no matter how much they talk about me. I am classy… with a K!! Think Kardashian, Kartel, KMart… you get the picture.

So at your next political discussion, please discuss my viability as your candidate for Councilwoman-At-Large. [This message was almost paid for by Mary Edith Pitts.]

Love and lashes, 

Mary Edith Pitts

If you have any questions, comments or feedback, please contact me at [email protected] or on twitter @maryedithpitts

Posted in Hey Girl HeyComments (0)

Hey Girl Hey!


Holler Poodles!

I just want to take a moment to say thank you to all of my friends, family, and fans who came out to support all of the Valentine Day shows at Paris on Ponce. Your support made the event an overwhelming success and I couldn’t be happier with the result. It was so good to work with Alicia Kelly, Raquell Lord, Maya Montana, Mariah Balenciaga, Envy Van Michaels, Angelica D’Paige, Smokin McQueen and Coco Couture. We all had a great time entertaining you! Thanks also to all the people behind the scenes who made the show possible.

Mary Edith Pitts FENUXE Atlanta Gay Drag

And now for my makeup tip/trick sponsored by Atlanta Costume. Every drag queen and glam girl wants and little sparkle in their life and with Ultra Bright Powder, you can have as much or as little as you like. Ultra Bright Powder feels feather light and sparkles like miniature diamonds. Stunning applied dry on bare skin, over makeup, or blended with our Sealers for a durable, high gloss finish.

It is a colorless sparkle powder which can be used on its own or on top of a matte color to give any makeup a highly reflective sparkle. Finer than glitter, but more reflective.  Sticks nicely to the skin, but washes off easier than glitter.

I’ve used this myself and under lights it sparkles like Swarovski crystals. Clint from Atlanta Costume used it when he played Pharaoh in Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat last summer. He used it on top of Aztec Gold Lux Powder and says “I looked like a disco ball.”

Every drag queen or club kid should have this in their makeup kit. 

FENUXE Gay Atlanta Make-Up Tip

Love and lashes!

Mary Edith Pitts

If you have any questions, comments or feedback, please contact me at [email protected] or on twitter @maryedithpitts

Posted in Columns, Hey Girl Hey, OpinionComments (0)

Hey Girl Hey!


Holler Poodles!

I just got back from the most spectacular spa/beauty treatment ever as a treat from Fenuxe Magazine. Located in the heart of midtown at Mansley Mall, the new spa designated for the gay community is called Gay Spa Day Spa: Girl, Get Yo Body Did! Featuring half naked menszezes in scantily clad clothing (i.e., jockstraps, thongs, and/or a smile), your happy ending is both guaranteed and assured.

As I entered the building sideways, I was greeted with twinkie Michael who ushered me into a suite complete with every conceivable luxury a drag queen could want. Picture it, Sicily, 19 Aught 2, a beautifully appointed suite with what looked like a water wall feature. Upon closer inspection, the beautiful stone wall with its golden waters splashing down its slate walls seemed oddly familiar–with an acrid aroma and upon inspection, surprisingly warm and welcoming temperature. Michael instructed me it had antiseptic and healing qualities so I quickly dowsed my face in its warmth.

Michael then instructed me to disrobe and since I’m not shy, I started removing my moo moo and peeled my white-ish thong out of its cavernous confines. There I stood nude and vulnerable in front of this twinkie whom I wanted to suck his creamy deliciousness from… but I resisted.

Admittedly, I had let my grooming schedule relax since the onset of the fall and winter months. While I usually kept my carpet trimmed down to a berber or sometimes even a hardwood floor, I was sporting a full on 70′s sculptured shag resembling afro puffs and errant adornments (i.e, lint, and possibly a troll doll). Michael whipped out an industrial hedge trimmer and quickly pruned my bush and shrubs. Ahhhh, relief!!

Next up, he pulled out a belt sander and proceeded to sand my hoofs and nails down to a fine pedicure befitting a queen. Next Michael asked me if I would like any anal bleaching done, and I replied, “Why, what have you heard?” He suggested I might benefit from a thorough Cloroxing so my backdoor can be pink and bright instead of dull and brown. Although it burned like hell, I must admit, I haven’t see it that pink since i was a schoolgirl.

My final treatment was a massage that definitely provided a release. Just not the kind I was expecting. I had gotten so relaxed that I accidentally on purpose let a little gas escape. Michael fell to knees gasping for air and my eyes started to burn and I started to heave so I ran out of the spa down the pathway into the adoring eyes of my fans at LA Fitness. All together they cheered “Looking fabulous Mary Edith.” I knew then I had found my new spa. All in a days work.

Love and lashes,

MEP

If you have any questions, comments or feedback, please contact me at [email protected] or on twitter @maryedithpitts.

Posted in Columns, Hey Girl Hey, OpinionComments (0)

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