I just got back from the most spectacular spa/beauty treatment ever as a treat from Fenuxe Magazine. Located in the heart of midtown at Mansley Mall, the new spa designated for the gay community is called Gay Spa Day Spa: Girl, Get Yo Body Did! Featuring half naked menszezes in scantily clad clothing (i.e., jockstraps, thongs, and/or a smile), your happy ending is both guaranteed and assured.
As I entered the building sideways, I was greeted with twinkie Michael who ushered me into a suite complete with every conceivable luxury a drag queen could want. Picture it, Sicily, 19 Aught 2, a beautifully appointed suite with what looked like a water wall feature. Upon closer inspection, the beautiful stone wall with its golden waters splashing down its slate walls seemed oddly familiar–with an acrid aroma and upon inspection, surprisingly warm and welcoming temperature. Michael instructed me it had antiseptic and healing qualities so I quickly dowsed my face in its warmth.
Michael then instructed me to disrobe and since I’m not shy, I started removing my moo moo and peeled my white-ish thong out of its cavernous confines. There I stood nude and vulnerable in front of this twinkie whom I wanted to suck his creamy deliciousness from… but I resisted.
Admittedly, I had let my grooming schedule relax since the onset of the fall and winter months. While I usually kept my carpet trimmed down to a berber or sometimes even a hardwood floor, I was sporting a full on 70′s sculptured shag resembling afro puffs and errant adornments (i.e, lint, and possibly a troll doll). Michael whipped out an industrial hedge trimmer and quickly pruned my bush and shrubs. Ahhhh, relief!!
Next up, he pulled out a belt sander and proceeded to sand my hoofs and nails down to a fine pedicure befitting a queen. Next Michael asked me if I would like any anal bleaching done, and I replied, “Why, what have you heard?” He suggested I might benefit from a thorough Cloroxing so my backdoor can be pink and bright instead of dull and brown. Although it burned like hell, I must admit, I haven’t see it that pink since i was a schoolgirl.
My final treatment was a massage that definitely provided a release. Just not the kind I was expecting. I had gotten so relaxed that I accidentally on purpose let a little gas escape. Michael fell to knees gasping for air and my eyes started to burn and I started to heave so I ran out of the spa down the pathway into the adoring eyes of my fans at LA Fitness. All together they cheered “Looking fabulous Mary Edith.” I knew then I had found my new spa. All in a days work.
Love and lashes,